FIFTEEN

As I sit here and listen to Joshua rapping with his friend on ovoo, I can't help but have this huge smile on my face. I mean, this kid is no damn angel....seriously, we have had our share of teenage drama and there have been times I just knew it was karma coming back to me for how horrible of a teenager I was. But, there are times like this...even with the curse words they are kind of blurring out, that I just see the pure innocence in him...I see the child in this "man" he seems to have become overnight. My heart truly hurts when I think of the years that have flashed by. FIFTEEN of them... FIF-freakin-teen. It doesn't seem right. I must have miscalculated somewhere.

When I think of Joshua, I see this sweet, little boy, sitting in his race car bed and playing with monster trucks...I can envision it, like he's right in front of me. Just that thought makes my heart ache. The thought that those years passed by so fast. Those completely carefree years of smiles, hugs, love, cuddles, cartoons, toys and just pure, innocent FUN...everything was fun. God, he was adorable.

Now, there is this man child...serious sports, muscles, girls, trouble, temptations, attitude, role modeling...I get so worried about it all and for very good reason. Again, the boy has kept us on our toes. Then , he will do something so childish and silly, like raspberry Madeline's cheek to make her scream or serenade me with a ridiculously over played song....and my little boy is back, even for a second. Lord, it is so hard to see your children grow. It is supposed to happen, we all know that, but the actual process shouldn't feel like a blink of an eye....that's almost like torture.

Somewhere along the way, the enjoyment of parenting stops and the worry sets in....school, college, future, health, respect, life. That's when parenting becomes a JOB. Like, it's all fun and games until you have to worry about real shit.

Anyway, this is supposed to be about him and not me....
FIFTEEN. Overall, he has made a couple poor decisions, but I am still proud of him. Even if it doesn't seem like it, he is always trying to be the best. Still loving baseball and the teams he's playing for. He has also been recognized by the high school football coach and has been weight lifting/practicing 4 times a week. He definitely has great dedication when it comes to sports....he's still working on getting there with the school work. The boy is so smart, he just never applies himself. He prefers to get by because he knows he can. Joshua seems so quiet in person until you take the time to engage him into a conversation he's interested in, then he will talk your ear off. It annoys me when people say he doesn't talk....you just have to make an effort. He has the best laugh...it's contagious. Great smile....that is hard to catch on camera because obviously he's too cool for that. Josh is absolutely the most amazing big brother. He watches the kids, plays with them , goofs off, teaches them...it makes me so proud to see how much he loves the little guys.

So, here we are, FIFTEEN on Monday. *sigh*
I love you, Joshua.

Here's a couple pictures of us celebrating today, but we will also have all of his favorites on Monday...