Third time's a charm

That's right, third time's a charm! Three is a magic number! Knock(ed) (up) three times! Two's company, three's a crowd? Nah, maybe not that one.

[Three's because I have been pregnant 3 times, but together, we do have four children ;)]

Honestly, the third time being pregnant has not really been a charm so far, but the ending result will be wonderful, we know it.

I've had about 5 ultrasounds in this short 16 weeks and the 6th is scheduled next week. First, to determine our due date. Second, I had some some spotting. Third, the Dr. could not find the heartbeat. Fourth, for genetic screening. Fifth, we had a very scary emergency, exactly 2 weeks ago. Something that left us emotionally drained and praying harder than ever. Initially diagnosed as my placenta detaching, placenta previa. Then, I believe, after all of the prayers of our family and seriously amazing friends, I received a phone call that changed our grim diagnosis to a subchorionic hemorrhage. I have never felt the power of thoughts and prayers more than that very moment. 

Things are still going on, so we have another ultrasound scheduled for Tuesday and we are hoping for amazing news! But, like I said, with all of the people we have had on our side, I feel like there will be nothing but positive progress. 

I have been given so many words of encouragement over these past 2 weeks. Just one of my favorites from a friend that made me realize just how many people I have in my support system, "I can only imagine what heaven sounded like when our prayers came flooding in". 

My husband showed me his strength when I felt broken, with his positive outlook, comfort and amazing support...coming home with something to make me smile with each time he ran out. My Mom jumped on 95 the second Anthony called. Me-mom jumped in to make sure I didn't move off her recliner for a few days! My family prayed SO hard. Friends offered to come take care of me. I even arrived home to beautiful flowers and received the sweetest note and angel. WOW! I may not be right down the street from anyone, but I have a hell of a support system. 

This baby is a fighter, and I have a feeling will be quite the challenge when here. So, during the difficult times, I will look back and remember all of this.

We are not finding out the gender of this baby. One, Two, Three strikes and we're out of the baby making game once our new little bundle is here! So, we wanted to do it different this time.

Oh, and we're going to try for VBA2C. Some will know what I mean, others will have to google. *wink, wink*

And you know what else? 

BAM. 

Happy EIGHTEEN Months, Madeline!

A year and a half! Wow. My little Madeline. My cute toddler.
First of all, you are brilliant, stubborn, beautiful, loud, hilarious, everything I would have hoped you to be and more...I adore you. WE adore you. You love your family with all your little heart! And you leave such an impression on everyone you come in contact with...even this little old lady (Miss Ade) that watches you at the gym. You get excited to see her and give her big kisses when you leave...it makes her day and you just have a way of doing that!
Every morning when you wake up, as soon as I open the door, you ask if Daddy is home, then you ask to go in the pool. After that, you spit your Nuk out and start handing me things...your owl blanket, pig pillow and (newest obsession) Mickey....I MUST take everything or it just messes up your morning (drama queen).
Our days consist of pools, parks, walks in your car to see the horses and outside play time!! You are definitely going to be an outside girl! A few months ago, you learned the word "outside" and that's what you used to ask for when you woke up...before you discovered the pool. You also love to color and play with your toys...especially food and dolls. Cars, motorcycles and horses are what you're constantly looking out the window for as you're playing!
Your favorite food is Alfredo veggie pasta HANDS DOWN...I think you would eat that all day, every day. You also love french toast, eggs, strawberries, grapes, kiwi, grilled cheese, lima beans, peas and corn....oh, pirate's booty and fruit ropes too!
We've known you were a talker for a while, trying to repeat everything and say so many words that I have lost track of how many words you can actually say! I can have a conversation with you like you're a big girl.hehe. Although, your answer for a lot of things is, "no". Ah, the dreaded no!!! But one of the adorable phrases you say, "Where'd it/she/he go??..*looks for item/person and points*..There it/he/she is!!!" Love it! Definitely cracks everyone up!
You are amazing at bed time....every night, we still sing "You are My Sunshine" and "Twinkle, Twinkle", wind your mobile and you're out for 12 or so hours. I couldn't have asked for a better little sleeper! But, since you go ALL.DAY.LONG., you definitely need that! ((edit:: you still take a 3 hr nap ))
Have I mentioned we adore you?
Happy EIGHTEEN Months, Madeline!
Always let your personality shine through, little love!!

This is one loved little girl!

"ONE-TWOOO-FREEEEE!"

When it comes to Madeline, I am laughing and smiling all day long. She has the most adorable personality...even with her newly found attitude, I still find a way not to be frustrated.

When it comes to Joshua, I TRY SO HARD not to pick at every single thing he does....but the teenage years are definitely not my favorite. The constant attitude and wanting to do what he wants to do...I can't help but feel frustrated more than I should. 

When it comes to my children together, my heart fills with love. Josh is amazing with Madeline and she loves him so much. It makes me smile as I type that. I watch in amazement how they interact with each other, how she already has him wrapped around her finger, how much love there is between them, even so far apart in age.

As I cooked out on the smoker grill today, Madeline was in her pool and Josh was watching her. I saw the request for him to sit down and he did (fully clothed), I saw him set up the water sprayer at just the right height so it wouldn't spray in her face and she would be able to play with it, I saw the baby giggles as he let her splash him. I saw my sweet little boy and not a teenager....it made me realize he's in there somewhere...he may look like a man/teenager, but all this bad assness is just a phase.I hope.hehe.

And this made me whip out the slip and slide...we acted like maniacs and laughed so hard..especially Madeline, she counted down for us, "ONE-TWOOO-FREEEEE!", then we would slide and she giggled all over herself seeing us fly by! I had the most fun with my kids today...in our own backyard, with a piece of plastic.haha. It's the little things.

:)
Happy Summer Fun!

I'll be back

It's been a while. If you look back at my last post you will see why. Yep, baseball season is winding down....so we actually have a little time now. Josh's last year of Little League ended with a bang and it was SO much fun.
We've had a few other events and milestones over my absent months. I've been married for 2 years. Madeline is walking and talking like a little preschooler. Josh is now a teenager. Bud is a high school graduate. Me-mom turned 80. WOW. It's unbelievable how much has changed!!

On our 2 year anniversary, my husband came home from coaching our son's baseball team with a bouquet of flowers, Merlot, a cotton blanket, strawberry shortcake, yummy lunch and asked me to accompany him on a date. He ended up taking me to the town we were married in, on the water, by the lighthouse we were photographed in front of, for a picnic lunch. We walked along the water, toured the lighthouse and had a beautiful drive in the convertible together. When it comes to being creative and thoughtful this man has it down!

Madeline is so much fun! She talks continuously and is so independent....I have no idea where she gets it from.HAHA!

Josh is a TEENAGER! Enough said. Lord help me.

Bud graduated!!

And we were able to surprise an 80 yr old woman, in her own home..AWESOME!

I have a lot more pictures to add, so I'll be back!

a lot of this...

Tomorrow is my one of my favorite days since 2003. Opening Day! I love baseball!! MLB is awesome, but my REAL baseball is when my son is out there on the field.
I'm looking forward to a lot of this...

And this too!....

I have started panicking though. Last year it was fine, Madeline was comfortable like this.....

Or maybe this....

Definitely like this....

Sometimes like this...

Oh and like this too....

But this year?? She is going to want to be all over the place. This scares me. I can bring the stroller, of course. And she loves her car...

So I'll bring that too. But what next?? Does she crawl in the grass? Yes, our little chooch is not walking yet! She can do it, hell, we thought she would be walking 4 months ago!, but she will not. That is a whole other post though!

And apparently it looks like Josh is throwing SO hard this year, so I REALLY want to see him throwing the heat! Wish me luck during this baseball season with my crawling toddler. Oy! 

Paid for

Need a laugh? My daily chaos could definitely help you out with that. Sometimes, I don't even tell my husband about my brain farts forgetfulness...he says it is because I only have baby interaction all day. Maybe he thinks I'm slowly losing it. So yeah, I kept this one to myself.
Even though it conflicted with Madeline's nap, I attempted a Starbucks Story time, only to order an iced coffee and walk out. These kids looked like they should be in school and I would have felt ridiculous there with my (almost) 14 month old, trying to get into everything while they just sat there. Then I ran around like a crazy coupon lady...I don't have stock piles and all that shit, but I get a HUGE thrill out of savings. Oh and savings to me may not be what it is to you. I just match the coupons with the sales...nothing too complicated.haha.
Side note: Why in the hell does Madeline act like everyone that talks to her is going to STEAL her??? GAH! It is totally embarrassing. The second someone says hello, she points to me, gives them the business, then reaches for me. I think she is saying, "You can't steal me, this is my Mom, she is crazy and will karate chop you if you try. Pick me up, Mommy, together we will morph into a super ninja and fight this maniac off!". Needless to say, people run from my child in the store.
Anyway, back to my day, since Madeline didn't get her nap, I stopped by the house because Josh was home early, then went about my errands.((Oh and be jealous, having a 12 yr old and baby is the most awesome thing ever, he is an AMAZING babysitter.)) I had to stop to get gas, so I went to Wawa, paid for my Monster (new addiction now that I have finished nursing) and gas. Then I went onto the other store I had match coupons with....KILLED it...and was on my way home. Well, my gas light came on!! WHAT? I stopped and paid for gas before the store!!! Yeah, paid for, but never pumped!!!! I couldn't even believe it. Should I go back and say something or just go home?? Gas is ridiculous, so I decided to go back...pulling a manager aside and saying, "This is probably the dumbest thing you will hear all day, but.....". Well, amazingly enough, the man that pulled up after me, came in, told the truth and insisted on paying for his gas. WOW. There are still honest people in this world today. I love it! THIS is why I am always honest when something falls into my favor is a mistake. I always correct it. What a wonderfully, honest man that pulled up after me. God bless him.
Yep, there it was...and I have at least one of these EVERY day. SAHM mom thing? blonde thing? or just human nature? Who knows, but I felt like an idiot.

This is what it is like

It has been a long day. Well, more like a long afternoon.
I went to clean the garden out yesterday and saw the biggest spider I have ever seen....that being said, it keeps getting bigger in my memory. But really, it was BIG. So, I decided to delegate this task as one of Joshua's daily chores. We usually think of something easy, like unpack a box or two, but not today....today it was cleaning out the back garden.
GAH!!!! THIS IS WHY I'M DRINKING WINE NOW!!!!!
Josh is also scared of spiders...it's my fault, I know. But, (until you have a tween boy, don't judge) I made him conquer his fears today...solely on the fact that I've never met a man that is afraid TERRIFIED of bugs. I am aware that he is not a man, but he will be some day...so I'm doing him a favor.
It was insane. He kept coming in, saying he couldn't do it....that he saw huge spiders and was too scared. Then, there was a toad. Yeah, only my kid would be scared of a toad!! (I'd take a million toads over one spider) I was going to pick it up and kiss it, but for one, I already have my prince and for two, Josh may have passed out.
It was definitely a struggle though. I have never actually struggled with him so much over anything. He did a great job during the time he was actually working and not complaining....needless to say, there is a lot more for him to do tomorrow.

When my husband came home, bearing iced coffee and mint chocolate chip ice cream, I had one of my ah-ha moments...this is what it is like to have a partner in parenting. And after so many years of not having that, DAMN does it feel good. Even though he had an incredibly hard day, he had still taken that minute to acknowledge me....he does this all the time. Such a small gesture can mean so much when you're stressed and he understands that more than anyone I have ever know...no wonder I feel in love with him.
I make sure to tell him how much I appreciate each little thought because it amazes me how thoughtful he is.

Well, here's to tomorrow and hoping Josh finds his inner brave... sigh.

Say a little prayer for my sanity, y'all.

Where's Josh at?

Madeline is a pretty talkative girl and she loves to repeat me! It is so funny that I don't realize just how much I say something until she starts to say it...then it's like I have a mini me! She is very in love with Josh and is always either yelling for him (ahem, like me) or asking me "Where's Josh at?"

She's a difficult one to capture on video because she worries more about the camera instead of what she was doing, but I caught a little convo during bath time. Sometimes the blogger video acts weird, so hopefully you can see it, otherwise I'll have to go through youtube.

THAT WAS MY MOMENT

Nursing was on my list of things I'd never do.

Oh, here's a warning...if boobs as a food source gross you out, don't keep reading....oh, and grow up. If you are a breastfeeding enthusiast, please excuse my ignorance.

Anyway, I thought nursing was disgusting. I didn't even like the thought of it or (here's where I would like to slap my former self) the thought of a breast-fed baby spitting up boob juice on me. Seriously, who thinks like that? I did. I saw the breast as an accessory, something to fill pretty lingerie and make a dress sexy. 

When I found out I was pregnant, I was dead set against it. It grossed me out. I just knew it would hurt. My breasts would sag after. I would be the only one that could feed them. Anthony wouldn't be able to help me. NO WAY was I going to do that to myself.
Now, the first question everyone (mainly my generation and the older generation) asked after they found out I was expecting, "Are you going to breastfeed?"....followed by "just give it a try" or "just let the baby get the colostrum". I remember thinking, why in the hell does everyone care how I feed MY baby??

When I started showing and it felt real, I started making a compromise with myself. Maybe I should pump? If my body is going to make it, I may as well use it. I won't have to actually have a baby on my boob. This could work. Telling people that, made them chuckle and add their opinions.... Do you realize how much of a time commitment that is? You're going to pump, then give a bottle, then have to pump again. You need a professional pump. You'll get clogged ducts...mastitis..infections...deformed nipples! Haha, yes, someone really did say the last one. ((shout out to all my EP mamas, y'all rock!!!))

I'm glad there was persistence from some people (you know who you are) because about halfway through my pregnancy, I started to come around. But, I was so negative with my thought process, at first, that I'm surprised I didn't drive everyone crazy. Maybe I'll just try it...if it hurts, I'm stopping right away. If she doesn't latch, I'm stopping right away. If it does go alright, I will NOT nurse past 3 months...I'm going to pump after that. I would also tell Anthony and my Mom (and anyone that had nursed and would talk to me really) my fears and have them reassure me everyday that I CAN do it.

You know how people have that beautiful story of the birth and then the doctor places the baby in your arms and you are instantly in love? C-section mamas don't get that moment. So, my moment was when the nurse placed her in my arms, I looked her over and then she helped me get her to latch on. THAT WAS MY MOMENT. Thank god my husband snapped a picture, that I tear up every time I see it, because the look of pure amazement that I am feeding, nurturing and comforting my daughter is all over my face. It is an indescribable feeling to be nursing your baby. There is a bond that is formed instantly.
I had one of those rare experiences though because it came so easily. The first couple days were rocky, but that was my own nervousness. My fear was that she would just forget how to latch and then she would be starving! So, I asked my Mom and Me-mom to stay an extra day to help me. I also had Anthony run out and rent a professional pump (just in case), those nipple shields (just in case), a years supply of lanolin cream. And I didn't need any of those. Yeah, ridiculous. But, it makes me appreciate having a wonderful husband and family.

And here I am, 13 months later, sad that Wednesday night was our last nursing session. 

It was such an amazing feeling to have her look up at me while nursing, many times a day at first, with those big, beautiful eyes. I will hold onto every single one of those moments in my heart because that was something only I could do for her, it was our special time together.

Thank you to everyone who gave me advice, encouragement and support. And for making me see the sentimental importance of nursing. 

Ok...I'm ready for another squishy little infant now.

First gtg in the new house

We're here! In the new house! We have been for about 6 days. It feels like so long ago, but then again, the move felt like forever too. Oh wait, there were 6 days of actually moving stuff, so yeah, that's a long time.
There is still so much to do, unpack, paint, etc, but we are loving it.
Josh has been in a new school for 4 days and is already "going out" with someone. He's a big hit here though and has entire lunch tables of girls swooning. Anthony thinks it is the whole new kid thing, I think it is the hair. Either way, it annoys me when he's "going out" with a girl. It doesn't actually mean they are going somewhere, it just means his face is going to be buried in his phone, texting, for the next few weeks.
Madeline has bronchitis AGAIN. Yeesh, never a dull moment. Poor baby girl.
Even though we still have boxes everywhere, we had a small get together on Sunday for Anthony's birthday.

Anthony's Phillies cake & Bud's Xbox controller cake

UH, Me-mom & Be-pop!

PT, Bud, Donna & Mom Cece

Trying to put together Josh's pitching trainer

Dad chillin. He needs a recliner. ;)

With Aunt Mimi!

I LOVE how Madeline is looking at Be-pop here.

Bud making a wish.

Singing with Daddy!

She loved it!

YAY!

Yep, so that was our first gtg in the new house!
I have painting to do and all that good stuff. I'll be sure to post pictures as I complete projects!!