I AM STRONG.

I'm nearing the end, I can feel it...I still have about a month to go, but my mind and body are preparing. I can breath a little better, the baby has dropped a slight bit. I am exhausted, yet I can't control this feeling to stop doing things, cleaning, sorting, painting, gardening. I have random, deep contractions that are not like the normal Braxton Hicks I have been getting, my body is in preparation mode. My hips ache in an excruciating way, the pressure is lower, the baby is lower. All good things.
I remember all of this from before I went into labor with Joshua. I did not have these feelings with Madeline, I think it's because I didn't give her the time to let me feel them. My mind was ready, but my body was not, so I let a Dr control when I was ready. I will allow my body to speak to me this time...that is what a woman's body is supposed to do.
Last week, one of my favorite blogs, Birth Without Fear, was posting "I am strong" posts from women that were strong because of their birth/life experiences. I read every single one, which was every hour, and kept thinking, 'wow, these women ARE strong'. Then I started thinking about myself. If someone were to read my story, I bet they would think I am strong too...no, that's the wrong way to think about it.  I couldn't help but think, I AM STRONG. 
I won't reveal my entire strong story because, lord knows, I have been through a lifetime of things that have made me strong, so this is just a month of it...
I am strong because I accidentally became pregnant at 16...not at all glamorous like the show "16 and pregnant", trust me..it definitely seems more acceptable now to be 16, 18, whatever, young, unmarried and pregnant. It almost makes me wonder if this happened to me now, 14 years later and I was 16, if things would have been different...I also can't let myself think that way either. I turned around and it was just me, with a belly full of baby. I am strong because I did not let the lack of support system affect my decisions when I went into labor a month and a half early. I am strong because I labored for days, as a confused, alone teenager...I think about this in a different light now, teenagers are not supposed to labor at all, but that doesn't seem to be slowing down the rate of pregnant teens. I am strong because in my confused, exhausted state, I had an emergency cesarean, which I felt half way through and needed to be sedated. I am strong because when I woke up, at nearly 11pm, to find out my baby was in the NICU and I was not able to meet him until the morning, even though a father and family that would be around for only a few years after that were able to. There were no camera phones and text messages 14 years ago, so I could see what he looked like. I am strong because once the nurse wheeled me to the NICU to see my baby that was thought to have spinal meningitis, I did not leave, only when they needed to check me, I would be wheeled back to my room, checked and wheeled back, IVs and all. I am strong because, at 17, when I could have used this as my last few weeks of freedom, I did not leave his side. I slept in the NICU recliner for 2 weeks after I was discharged, nurses were kind enough to find a vacant shower for me and sometimes order a cafeteria tray when I obviously couldn't afford to eat there every day. Two weeks after that, he was moved to another hospital, where I did the same. I am strong because I got through all of this alone. As I think about it, THIS is part of what made me into the person I am today. I would say that my support system has changed and grown, as have I, not by quantity, but by quality.
I AM STRONG. 
Can I also add, I am strong because I conquer..erm, survive.. a teenage attitude daily? Enough said.ha!
When I think about what I did at 16/17, I realize that the sky is the limit at 31. I don't know what happened at 29, why I gave in so easily, I guess I just wasn't prepared and confident in what my body can do. But, through much support and research, I now know I can control my body.

I know my posts are usually silly stories and complaints, but there are some serious thoughts in my head, you know.

Here's some humor....
I will not release the names of the older persons that "may" have taught her this, but this is what happened at breakfast. [[edit:: you have to listen to what she says at the end. My husband watched this and just thought it was because she was messy]]

HAHA. I'm totally ignoring it....and dropping stuff randomly and saying, "Geez oh whiz"...maybe she will think she's saying it wrong?

Look at this sweet face.....