Belle

It's been a pretty rough day.
Looking back, I have never really lost a dog before...and it has been over 20 years since I have lost anyone in our immediate family, actually. My family dog, Brittany, was hit by car and that was devastating, but she was mostly my father's hunting dog...as awesome as she was, she was closest to him. We also lost my grandparents dog, Oliver, and that was sad because I remember picking him out as a puppy, but I didn't share every day with him like they did. I also worked in a vet office from the time I was 14 until about 20, where we would often see dogs pass or we would actually have to euthanize them. My heart always broke for those poor families, crying as they said their goodbyes. Now I know how they feel. What a painful experience.

When we decided to rescue a dog in 2008, they brought this adorable, spunky poodle mix in that was jumping all over the place and peeing every two seconds, she was so excited to meet us. We thought it would calm down after a few minutes, so we spent a good 15 minutes with her, thinking she would run out of excited pee, nope. So, then they brought in one of her "sisters" that she was rescued with..."Cow". Well, "Cow" was the sweetest little dog I had ever met...and I'm normally not too fond of small dogs. But, she jumped right up into my lap, kissed me with the worst smelling breath that I have ever smelled and rolled over like I was cradling a baby...I fell in love with her sweet personality. I couldn't believe it because she was rescued from an animal hoarding type situation. We made up this whole scenario where she previously had an old lady owner that would feed her little treats all day (because she came to us knowing when any meal was being prepared and she would follow under my feet, waiting for something to drop) and the old lady must have passed, causing this new owner to take her in. She was entirely too sweet to have been in a neglectful environment her whole life...she had to come from some caring home before that. But, she was an old girl, they estimated her at 9-10 years old. We knew she was elderly, but she had as much love to give as a young puppy. We ended up changing her name from Cow to Belle....and she seemed to like it better. But, the first time I gave her a bath, her wet fur revealed black dots under her skin, like a cow, and I realized how she got her name.
((I keep looking over, as I type, where she would normally be laying...or expecting her to follow me around as soon as I go into the kitchen.))

She always adjusted to new situations so easily. When Madeline started crawling, Belle steered clear of her...almost knowing that a baby may not be gentile or maybe thinking it was something she couldn't touch. It was so funny to watch Madeline on the move and Belle keeping one eye open on her. Once Madeline started walking and understanding how to be gentile, that was it, they became fast friends. Of course, Belle loved anyone that would pet her...even a tiny hand would do. I wish I had pictures of them together, but I always kept such a close eye, knowing she was old, not because I was ever afraid Belle would snap, I was nervous Madeline would forget to be gentile with our old girl. Even in her last few days here, we knew she wasn't feeling well, but she would still lay and let Madeline pet her...or let me feel around to see if she was in pain. There are not many old dogs like that.

Belle just wasn't herself these past few days, she wasn't eating but a very small bit, when she would normally follow me around, just waiting for something to fall. She would drink water, but that didn't seem to be enough for her to keep her strength up. We had a vet appt scheduled, but I was not going to let them poke and prod at our old girl. I didn't want to upset her and give her anxiety if these were her last days with us. She wasn't in any pain, she was just letting go of life...I don't think any of us truly grasped that concept until we came down this morning. Belle had spent her last few days in the dining room, moving to a corner here and there...we didn't want to bring her up in our room because she seemed comfortable where she was. But, when we came down to check on her early this morning, she had moved to where she used to lay at night while we were watching tv. Her favorite spot, right under our feet, at the base of the couch. I think that hurt my heart the most. She wanted to pass where she was most comfortable and where she felt loved.

Belle was truly the best dog I have ever met...the personality of a sweet, old woman, loyal and obedient.  Our family will miss her terribly. And, unfortunately, it will take us a while to used to not having her around. Especially Madeline who has asked,"where's my Belle?" a few times already today.

Here are some pictures of her life with us.

WE LOVE YOU, BELLE.

UPDATE::

My husband had these on his phone..